Crimes of the Heart
by WitchGirl
Summary: Love hurts, all too often, as four of our Titans discover the hard way. At least three tragic love stories wrapped into one. BBRav, SfRob, RavRob, BBSf.
1. Root for the Winning Team: Cyborg

Crimes of the Heart

_Summary: Love hurts, all too often, as four of our Titans discover the hard way. At least three tragic love stories wrapped into one. Bb/Rav, Sf/Rob, Rav/Rob._

Prologue: Root for the Winning Team: Cyborg's Story

_"The heart may freeze, or it can burn. The pain will ease if I can learn, there is no future, there is no past. I live each moment as my last. There's only us, there's only this. Forget regret or life is yours to miss. No other road, no other way… No day but today." –_ **Mimi, ****_RENT, _****by Jonathan Larson**

It was obvious to me from the first day why Beast Boy's antics often rose to new levels whenever Raven entered the room. And I could tell that look in Starfire's eyes whenever Robin gave her a playful smile. I once knew both those things, which is probably why I could recognize it in them.

It was a shame, though, because I saw no such sparkle in Robin's eyes when Starfire tried so hard to please him. Raven's irritation with Beast Boy grew more and more obvious each day. I knew eventually these things would cause problems with the team, but for now I just had to let them slide. We all learn the pain of heartache eventually.

My own heartache occurred years ago, before the accident.

Her name was Sandra. She was on the cheerleading squad. The classic high school romance: the head cheer leader and the star quarterback. I liked her because she knew about sports. She supported the Red Skins, which was ludicrous in my mind, because the year I loved her, they were doing horrendously.

"It's not about rooting for who's winning," she told me once. "It's about staying loyal to a team you grew up with. It's remembering that first time you saw your dad's favorite team score a touchdown. That's why I like the Red Skins."

I always chose to support the winning side. I never understood what she meant before I became a Titan. Winning, to me, had been everything. Until I lost her.

I knew all the typical, clichéd signs. My heart really would flutter when she kissed me on the cheek. I hung on every word whenever she spoke, for every syllable was musical. My stomach did somersaults when she did anything cute. I could fall so deep into those soft brown eyes. She was my girl, my Sandy, and I was proud of her.

After what happened, Sandy could barely look at me. She tried so hard to be there for me, and be my friend, but I knew things could never be the same. The accident and what it had done to me bothered her, although for months she chose not to admit it. Finally, I woke up and she wasn't there. I guess she couldn't handle the pressure. I never saw her again.

I guess she was trying to stay loyal to the team she loved, despite the ridicule she got at school for dating "Metal Man." She clung on to the desperate hope that maybe we could be a normal couple again.

And maybe the Red Skins would win the super bowl.

I should have expected she'd leave. She spoke to me the night before she left.

"I'm just a kid," she'd told me with tears in her eyes. "I can't deal with something like this."

"Sandy, I love…"

"Don't say it," she said suddenly, pulling her jacket tighter around her. "Please, it will just make things harder for me." She looked at me with earnest eyes. "I love you," she said. "I always will. But please don't tell me that you love me. Just pretend I was never here. Forget about me and what I ever meant to you. Just let me go, but know that despite all this, I love you."

And with that, she walked out the door. She walked out of my life forever. I don't know why she didn't want me to say it. I guess she didn't want to feel any guiltier than she already did for leaving me. She wanted to think that I didn't love her, so that she wouldn't feel as bad about leaving me here alone. I don't know why, it was futile. She knew I loved her, whether I said it or not, and it would always plague her mind as it plagued my own.

"I love you, Sandra," I had said to the closed door.

So that's my story. It's sad, but I moved on because I could understand why she left. I always rooted for the winning team. It would have been harder for her to get over the whole thing, though. She didn't like to give up on her team so easily. But she doesn't appreciate how hard she fought to keep our relationship normal, as I do. I wouldn't have fought that hard for her.

It's sad to see my friends walking around this tower, lovesick or oblivious to the emotion all together. But as much as I'd like to, I can't interfere. So this time, I am condemned to sit and observe as my friends tear themselves apart with this violent emotion in their hearts.

There is no winner in this repetitive game. 


	2. Divine Irony: Raven and Beast Boy

Divine Irony: Raven and Beast Boy

_"What a terrible business loving was. It was a troublesome and tiresome emotion destined more often to enrage the recipient, then to please them… What right had people to love you when you had not wanted or asked for it?"_ **(****_Ashling_****, Obernewtyn Chronicles Book Three by Isobelle Carmody, page 67)**

He went on as if I didn't notice. He always got louder when I came in the room, and ever so annoying, as if seeking my attention. It made me feel so jaded to see him do such silly tricks just to win my affections. It didn't work. If anything, it deterred me.

I tried to ignore him and his pathetic jokes. Sure, I cared for him, but this charade was ridiculous. If he'd calmed down and acted more like himself, maybe there would have been a chance. Well, actually, probably not, but I wouldn't have been as irked with him as I am now.

I watched him curiously as he stuffed his mouth full of pizza while watching some weird made-for-TV movie. It was late, and I was pretending to read, but really I was observing the peculiar pizza-eating machine. I was just glad he didn't notice I was watching him, for I'm sure it would have made him incredibly self-conscious, and I would have lost interest. He's really actually quite tolerable when he's not so nervous. I might have learned to care for him as he cared for me. Then again, I might be stretching it a bit.

Beast Boy's a good kid, though his sense of humor could use some work. And maybe it would have been easier if I'd told him outright what I thought of his antics, so he wouldn't keep putting himself through this torture. But I refused to confront it. Don't ask me why. Maybe I didn't want to burst his bubble. Or maybe I'm more sadistic than I thought.

Unfortunately, my avoidance of the topic inevitably brought about that unspoken question.

"What do you think about me, Raven?" Beast Boy asked with his mouth full of pizza, while his movie was on a commercial. I was caught off guard by the question and I faltered.

"Why?" I asked, evenly, keeping my surprise under control. Beast Boy turned off the TV, then turned to me with a grin.

"I saw you looking at me," he said. "Come on, it's OK to love me."

I sighed at the joke, knowing that the undercurrent was far from a joke. Slowly, I closed my book and put it to the side.

"Beast Boy…" I started, and then thought better of it. "Never mind."

"Is something wrong, Raven?" Beast Boy asked me.

"No," I said, picking up my book again. "Something's wrong with you. As usual." I pretended to read, but in my head I was pleading that he would stop the questions there. But I'd got him concerned. He moved closer to where I was sitting.

"No, really. If something's on your mind, you can talk to me about it. Really." He gave me one of those wide toothy grins and I glared at him.

"I don't need sympathy," I said. "Even if I _was_ upset."

"Oh," said Beast Boy, cowering away from my glare. "But uh… yeah."

He knew I wouldn't say more than I wanted to. He sat in silence on the couch for a while and I actually was starting to get into my book again. Some nagging thought at the back of my mind wondered why he hadn't turned the TV back on, but then my book was so much more intriguing than that mystery… I was reading Dante's _Divine Comedy_ and was at the part where he was describing the seven levels of Hell. I was intrigued at how he saw some of the demons and the torture methods and—

"Well, I want to talk to you."

I tore my eyes away from the page and they flared with silent wrath, irritated that they had been drawn away from such an entertaining read only to stare at a funny green man on a couch with melted cheese hanging off his chin.

"Beast Boy, you almost set a record for yourself," I said. "Staying still for a whole… what was it, five minutes? And without a word. You had to blow it."

"That sarcasm again…" Beast Boy muttered. "The funny thing is, that's the most you've said at a time all day."

My eyes narrowed. "I save my best laughs for you."

"You don't laugh…" Beast Boy's eyes widened in realization. "Oh, sarcasm, right. Hey, do you do that to be funny?"

"No," I said, and my eyes flew back to my book.

"Hey, would you mind putting that away, I want to talk to you about something kind of important."

"You want to talk about something serious?" I mumbled, my eyes still devouring Dante's words like candy. Candy. Eye candy. Is that a pun?

"Raven," Beast Boy said and I was drawn out of my distracting thoughts.

"_What?_" I snapped, frustrated I had been distracted from my distractions so many times now.

I looked at the shape shifter and noted that he seemed very small on that couch.

"I really… I mean, you… you are a really great friend, despite all the… stuff, and I…"  
Oh no, he was going to say it. I feigned a yawn.

"Nothing personal, Beast Boy, but I have to get up early," I said, blinking my eyes a few extra times for effect. Beast Boy looked up at me, his eyes surprised at my hasty interruption. I suddenly felt extremely guilty.

"Can what you wanted to talk to me about wait until tomorrow?" I asked, my guilt somehow making it past my defenses and seeping into my voice.

"Uh, yeah, sure," Beast Boy said, sounding incredibly dejected.

"Good night," I said, watching out of the corner of my eye before I left.

He never again said a word to me about 'something important' he wanted to talk about.

He went back to his usual antics and strange cries for attention that had irked— and somehow amused me all so much before. I used to think that I would despise someone as irritating as Beast Boy, and yet strangely I am unashamed to admit that he is one of the closest friends I have. But I would never want to admit anything more than that.

I hope I haven't scarred him too deeply with my cold claws. I'm sure he knows I care for him as a friend… Doesn't he? 


	3. The Eponine Effect: Robin and Starfire

_**Author's Notes: **You've probably noticed by now I'm posting each story seperately. I have one more chapter to upload, and I'm contemplating a cute Starfire/BeastBoy chapter (to try out _all_ the nonslash pairings) but it might be a "sharing pain" chapter. The next chapter, by the by, IS Rav/Rob, and a change from the previous two. Though it is still a tragic love story as is the theme, it is a different sort of tragic love that befalls these to characters._

_I like this chapter the best because I really feel for Starfire... Enjoy, and as always, review._

The Eponine Effect: Robin and Starfire

_"And I know it's only in my mind, that I'm talking to myself and not to him. And although I know that he is blind, still I say there's a way for us… I love him, but every day I'm learning. All my life, I've only been pretending. Without me, his world would go on turning. A world that's full of happiness that I have never known… I love him, but only on my own."-_ **Eponine, **_**Les Miserables (Musical Version)**_

I must have read this story twenty times. It's interesting, all though not much of it makes sense to me. French politics sound so confusing, and this storyteller writes strangely, digressing every few paragraphs to speak more of these politics.

Robin says the content is a little mature for me right now. But does he think I am a child? No, he tells me, only that politics are confusing to anyone, and that, as one who is not from Earth and unfamiliar with their governments, I would be overly perplexed. Perhaps he was correct when he advised me against reading it. But something inside me wanted to prove to him that I was not stupid.

I have seen the films as well, and those are more understandable than the written version. Many of them focus more on the characters, not the politics.

I find myself strangely sympathetic to the poor street urchin in love with the student rebel. Her love is tragic and seemingly illogical, and yet she clings to it for it is all she has. Every time I watch her on the television, I bite my lip, hoping that the rebel called Marius will notice and love her and take care of her. And yet, each time I am disappointed, for Marius takes no notice at all of her affections.

There is one version of the story, the musical version, in which it emphasizes the girl's love specifically. And there is one point in which, I am sure, the man weeps for his lost chance as she dies in his arms.

I hope I do not have to die in Robin's arms to have him admit his affections.

I see him everyday and I try to win his affections. I am sure he feels for me, he must, for when I am upset, he is the only one who understands, and who can make me smile again.

I would hate to think that perhaps he is like the student, ignorant to my deep love for him and infatuated with another silly little girl. Robin is not one to love such an odd creature. He must know. He must feel the same or I shall die.

Although, each day, I find myself relating more and more to that poor street urchin in that strange story.

I had just watched the film one more time before I went up to the roof to contemplate my dilemma. To my pleasurable surprise, I found the friend who has been most on my mind, dear Robin, staring up at the stars.

"Robin!" I said, elated to see his stoic stance.

"Good evening, Starfire," he said, more formally than I'd have liked, his eyes still entranced by the sparkling wonder of the universe. I positioned myself next to him and feigned interest in the sky above as well. Slowly but surely, I could see dark clouds on the horizon, ready to block out our view.

"They are beautiful," I said, my mind full of awe not at the splendor of the stars, but of his own majesty.

"I guess," said Robin, his mind obviously elsewhere.

"What is troubling you, my friend?" I asked him, my eyes wide with concern. He gave me what seemed to me a condescending smile.

"I don't know," he said. "It's complicated."

"I am good at solving puzzles," I said with an eager grin. But again, he just laughed at me as if I was being ridiculous and my smile faded. His eyes were on the stars once more and I found myself wishing so much that he would just look at me and for once, see me for who I am and not the naïve alien girl he underestimates so much. Or perhaps, I am that girl he sees. For I am no more or less than how _he_ sees me. Nothing else matters but him.

"It's not a riddle you can figure out and share with your friends, Star," Robin said and I smiled to hear the abbreviation of my name tumble from his lips like Gorga Berries from the Dazeron fields. They were my favorite fruit as a child.

"Please," I begged. "I must know what is the problem. Perhaps…" I hesitated and looked down, gathering my words. "Perhaps you underestimate my indicative skills."

Robin sighed and placed his head in his hands, his elbows resting casually on the wall surrounding the roof.

"Maybe you're right," he said. "But I wish I _could_ tell you what's missing."

"You feel something is absent in your life?" I asked, ecstatic he was confiding in me.

"Well, yeah," he replied, as if it were obvious. He turned to me and smiled at the irony. "I mean, I have all I could want, don't I? I have friends, a purpose, a home. I have a good life."

_And a good smile,_ I thought silently to myself.

"You do," I agreed aloud. "But perhaps your heart longs for something more."

"Don't tell me what I already know." He sighed again, turning to gaze at the sea below. Again, he made me feel foolish.

"What I am trying to tell you…" I continued slowly. "Is perchance you long to _love_ someone."

He turned to me in frustration and I cowered before him, furious with myself for upsetting him. But he was not upset at my asinine comments.

"But Starfire, I _do_ love someone!" My heart leapt into my throat as he looked at me with earnest eyes. "I love a lot of someones!" My heart sank into my stomach. "I love you," I smiled and my heart stopped. "…and I love Raven." I caught my breath and my heart continued in its slow rhythm. "… and Beast Boy and Cyborg." I sighed in disappointment. "You are my family."

"This is not what I mean," I explained, blinking my green eyes at him. I have been told they are quite alluring. I hope Robin sees them as beautiful. "I mean your heart wishes for a _yula_."

"A what?" Robin stared at me as if I'd gone insane.

"A yula," I said. "You wish to find the one soul who completes you. The one person who you do not see as just another friend, but as the reflection of all your own best qualities and then some, their entire splendor magnified in your eyes. You see them as beautiful and flawless."

"A soul mate…" Robin whispered, staring out across the sea to the city.

"Yes," I said with a discreet sigh.

We were silent a moment. Finally, he spoke to me.

"You think I need a soul mate?" The question seemed half-mocking, and I wondered if he thought my belief in the yula was silly and childish.

"Well…" I said, trying to make up for my imprudence. "I think _everyone_ needs their yula to be happy. Without them, we are only half a person."

Robin turned to me and I eagerly awaited him to speak those words I had longed to hear. But he said nothing and to my extreme surprise, I spoke them first!

"Sometimes, I think I have found my yula…" I was startled at the words that had slipped out of my mouth so easily. It must have been the hypnotic quality of Robin's gaze, mysterious behind that dark mask.

He merely blinked, unaltered.

"Really?" he said, intrigued. "That's great for you. It must be why you're so happy all the time."

I grinned, believing as he did that the reason I was happy was him.

"Who is it?" he asked with genuine curiosity. I was stunned. I had thought it had been apparent.

"W-w-well…" I stuttered, losing my footing and suddenly becoming very warm. I looked up at him, flushing and sheepish. "Y-you, Robin." I said.

He tried to remain impassive, but I distinctly heard the small, sharp intake of breath he took at my words.

"Oh," he said simply. This was a bad idea. I had caught him completely unaware. Bad, bad, bad, bad—

"I'm sorry…" he said, looking away from me and closing his eyes. I wanted to cry. I knew that this was the climactic moment dear Eponine never had the courage to face with Marius. Where she confesses her love and he turns her away.

He looked at me again and bit his lip, as if considering something.

It started to rain, quite hard, but I barely noticed. My attention was focused on him. I was caught between inhale and exhale, waiting patiently for his next words, whatever they may be. I felt like I would be holding my breath for eternity.

"Star…" he said, his eyes confused and indecisive. "I don't know how to tell you this…"

No more. I could stand no more.

"I'm sorry for inconveniencing you, Robin," I said, my voice shaking. I must have been a sight. My hair dripping with water and my eyes glistening. In vain, I blamed my trembling on the cold rain.

"Starfire…" Robin said again, but now when he spoke my name, the word was like poison.

"Say no more," I said. "It is late, and I must retire to bed." I turned my back to him then. I could not stand the sight of his glorious visage any longer. I quickly made my way inside and slumped against the door.

"Don't you fret, Robin," I muttered to myself, tears streaking down my cheeks. "I don't feel any pain. A little fall of rain can hardly hurt me now…"

I was Eponine. Every single part of me longed to be part of him. And yet he continued to underestimate me.

Perhaps one day, I shall show him what he constantly overlooks.


	4. Numb: Raven and Robin

Numb: Raven and Robin

_"So afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose. Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose… It's funny how we feel so much but cannot say a word. We are screaming inside but we can't be heard."—_**Sarah McLaghlan,****"I Will Remember You," _Mirrorball_**

Raven walked up the stairs to find Starfire crumpled like a piece of discarded paper against the door to the roof. She was sobbing and soaking and Raven felt a strange pity for the girl.

"Hey… let's get you cleaned up," Raven said in a rare show of kindness as she offered her hand to the distraught Tamaranian.

Starfire looked up at Raven, as if just noticing she was there.

"What?" she uttered, her voice quivering. Suddenly, she stood quickly, ignoring Raven's proffered hand. "Oh, no, Raven, I am alright, I can take care of myself." She briskly dusted any excess water off her skirt and rung out her long red tresses. She then glared at the telekinetic with a fierce, desolate fire in her green eyes. "I am not as incompetent as everyone seems to think."

"I never said you were incompetent!" Raven snapped, angry at the uncalled for accusation.

Starfire was cold and stoic as she made her way down the stairs gracefully with her pride intact. "Good night, Raven."

"Is it raining out there?" Raven asked needlessly as the young girl retreated. Starfire made no reply, so Raven decided to find out for herself.

To her total and utter shock, she saw a lone dark figure, standing carelessly in the rain as if it made no difference to him.

"Robin!" Raven called through the incessant drumbeats of the wet bullets pummeling the rooftop. The frozen figure made no gesture to show he had heard her. Raven scowled.

"Robin, get over here before you melt!" she screamed. Slowly, he turned his head and cracked a smile at the girl at the door. The corners of her mouth twitched in reply. She sighed and created a black curtain around herself to shield herself from the torrential rain. Robin cocked an eyebrow at her odd behavior as she approached. She merely glared at him.

"I don't do wet," she explained in answer to his silent question. Robin merely laughed dully.

"Right," he said, and turned to look over the edge to the sea, which was being punctured by the rain.

"You're upset," Raven noted.

"You think?" Robin barked, heatedly. Raven remained impassive at his sudden mood swing.

"Hm… Well, you seem better, good night." And with that, she turned and made her way back to the door. He frowned after her.

"You're not going to try and figure out what's bothering me?" he asked of her retreating back. Raven shrugged, refusing to face her companion.

"Why should I?" she asked him. "I don't want to know and you don't want to tell me."

"Maybe I do want to tell you…" Robin muttered, looking away from her. Raven sighed, rolled her eyes and slumped her shoulders.

"That's what I was afraid of," she said, turning to face him. She looked up at te sky apprehensively and dropped her shield. Robin nearly burst into hysterics at the unhappy expression on Raven's sodden face as the rain poured down on her.

"Isn't that a sight for sore eyes," he said with a curt laugh. "Thanks, Raven."

"For what?" Raven snapped. "I don't like being laughed at."

"See, I don't get that about you," Robin said. "You know you did that to make me smile."

"I did that," Raven explained, patiently, "because I couldn't keep up my shield long in this static from the rain. And it looked like you were unwilling to go inside. I don't know what's funny about it."

Robin said nothing as he looked out at the city again. Raven approached him and took her place next to him.

"You've been looking out here long?" she asked.

"Since before it was raining," Robin said. "I come up here a lot to think."

"So I've noticed," Raven said, trying her best to ignore the water. There was a strange silence between them, each contemplating the meaning of the previous happenings of that night.

"I saw Starfire by the door. Did you finally tell her she doesn't have a chance?"

Robin looked at Raven, baffled.

"How did you…?"

"Oh please, Robin," Raven said with a classic roll of the eyes. "Even a blind man could see the stars in her eyes when your name comes up. You must know you're all she talks about, all she thinks about, all she is… Hell, everyone in the tower knows she's head over heals for you. And unfortunately, everyone but her could see that you were totally oblivious."

"I had no idea…" Robin muttered, suddenly feeling cold and guilty. Raven sighed.

"But Star isn't the only one who got rejected tonight…" Raven muttered. Robin frowned.

"You…?" he started.

"Ha!" Raven said, her voice full of mockery. "Teenage lust is not a thing I tamper with willingly. No, Beast Boy."

"Oh," said Robin, understanding in a heartbeat. Suddenly, he smiled unexpectedly. "You know, _he_ talks about _you_ all the time. Half the time it's complaints, but that just makes it all the more obvious."

"Huh," Raven muttered. "He's a great kid, and I… he's… sweet…" Raven made a face at the word as if it tasted sour on her tongue. "And I guess he's funny when he's not trying too hard. But he's just not someone I'd… Well, there's not a lot of people I'd really…" Raven trailed off, mystified at her loss for words and the words she could find that were tumbling out of her mouth. She looked up at Robin, looking surprised at herself. "I'm sorry."

"Why?" Robin asked with a sweet smile that for some reason made Raven feel warm in the cold rain. "There's nothing wrong with sharing your thoughts on this."

"I don't normally share my thoughts…" Raven muttered.

"Nor do I," Robin admitted with a weak smile. "We're quite the pair, aren't we?"

"You express your emotions less than I do," Raven noted. "You always hide from how you feel in training."

"And you hide in mediation," Robin pointed out. Raven gave him a rare, respectful smile.

"Touché," she said. Robin sighed.

"Well… Star said something when she was here that's bugging me… She said I need to love someone. And the more I think about it, the more I believe her. At first I thought it was ridiculous, one of those fairytale whims she has, but maybe she's right… I don't know, I'm just a kid. I shouldn't have to deal with the concept of love yet."

"Here, here," Raven said, toasting him with an invisible glass.

"Love is crazy, you know?" he said. He tilted his head to analyze the girl before him, who looked oddly different through the gray haze of rain, under the dim light from streetlamps below and what little moonlight seeped through the clouds. Slowly and daringly, he reached out to pull a strand of hair that was plastered to her face out of her eyes and place it behind her ear. Oddly enough, she let him, and closed her eyes as he did so, obligingly. As if realizing what was happening she pulled away and glared at him. But again, he merely smiled that curious, enigmatic smile.

"What are you doing?" she demanded, her voice full of suspicion.

"Your eyes see more when you don't have wet hair blocking their view," he explained.

They shared another thoughtful silence, though this one was incredibly more awkward.

Raven contemplated her reaction at Robin's simple gestures, and why it was bothering her so that she'd let him so freely. Robin wondered at his own behavior, and why he had risked Raven's anger just to brush her cheek with his fingers.

They both looked up at the same time and caught each other's eye for a moment, then swiftly looked away.

_This isn't right_, Raven thought, her heartbeat increasing to twice its normal rate.

_I can't _do_ this!_ Robin thought to himself, appalled at the strange ideas forming in his mind, all planted by Starfire's strange suggestions. _This makes no sense, it's ludicrous and impulsive and unfounded and…_It was a lot of things he could name. But no matter how ridiculous it seemed, and how little he wanted to do it, something definitely had to be done about it…

Slowly, the teenage boy approached the introvert cautiously, as if she were a cobra waiting to strike. More out of curiosity's sake than anything else, or so he told himself, he reached out and stroked her arm tenderly. She eyed him warily, like a doe ready to bolt at any sign of danger. But this doe made no move as her pursuer's hand gently slid down her forearm to her meet her own fingertips. Delicately, he toyed with her fingers and she pressed her palm against his. Each were staring at their connected hands in fascination, wondering how the previously numb appendage could suddenly be filled with such warmth that seemed to be radiating from the familiar stranger across from them.

Slowly they looked up to meet each other's eyes. Raven appeared stunned while Robin tried his hardest to remain impassive, though his mind was a cluttered freeway for thoughts.

Quickly Raven broke contact and her eyes flared with fury.

"_No,_" she hissed.

"Right," Robin said, pulling away from her quickly and shaking his head as if to rid himself of his mistake. "That wasn't anything."

"You're right," Raven snapped angrily at him. "It wasn't."

A very tense silence was cast between like a stone into a placid like.

Raven turned away from the boy, shivering from everything but the cold. She pulled her cloak tighter around her, as if it would keep the shame from seeping into her skin. She walked briskly to the door.

"Raven!" Robin called after her. She stopped, but did not turn to meet him. "This is just crazy, right? I mean, nothing really happened, right?"

Raven responded with silence. Robin sighed.

"Yeah, I figured. I thought I…" but he sighed and neglected to finish his sentence as he shook his head and made his way quickly past the stationary Raven, looking frustrated.

"Crazy…" he mumbled as he slammed the door back to the tower.

Raven watched the closed door calmly.

_Love is crazy,_ Robin had said earlier that night. And Raven had never doubted it. She felt suddenly regretful of the uncalled for resentment she had expressed, for she bared no anger towards him at all. It had been a bitterness towards the strange and unwelcome feeling that had risen from the pit of her stomach and had been beginning to well in her heart. And she hated it.

And yet she couldn't help feeling like she had made some terrible mistake.

"It's strange," she muttered to herself. "This sanctuary I've built to keep my emotions in check, this… this _grave_ that we refuse to leave… The refuge we've built to flee the places we've come to fear the most…"

She paused and inhaled a quivering breath at the startling truth.

"…is the place that we have come to fear the most of all…"

She shivered and shook her head lose of those upsetting thoughts. Her face set, she made her way to the door.

"But there's nothing that can be done about it," she said with a cold scowl. "So why bother."


	5. Something in the Tea: Beast Boy and Star...

_**Author's Note: **BB may seem a tad out of character, but I was trying to delve into his thoughtful side and think how he would react to Rav's rejection. This is NOT the last chapter—I'm thinking of a follow up to the Raven/Robin story, as plenty of you seem to want. I think it will be bittersweet, and hopefully you will be satisfied. But that chapter, and a follow up by none other than Cyborg will pronounce the end._

Something in the Tea: Beast Boy and Starfire

_"But I've hidden a note, it's pressed between pages that you've marked to find your way back. It says, 'Does he ever get the girl?' But what if the pages stay pressed, the chapters unfinished, the story's too dull to unfold? Does he ever get the girl?"—**Dashboard Confessional, **_**"This Ruined Puzzle," _The Places You've Come to Fear the Most_**

She was too much of a wreck to ignore. I heard her sobbing outside the door to my room, obviously making her way to her own bed for the evening. The tears could only be blamed on one thing: Robin.

Wearily, I climbed out of my bed and opened my door to see Starfire stumbling down the hallway.

"Star…" I said, and I startled her.

"Beast Boy!" she said, as if I were the last person she'd expected to see. Or the last one she'd _wanted_ to.

"I heard you crying," I said. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," she said stubbornly. This was swiftly followed by a hiccup and she blushed. I smiled reassuringly at her.

"Look at you, you're soaking wet," I said. I reached out my hand to her. "Here, let me help…"

"I do not need anyone's assistance," she snapped coldly with a sniff.

"What you need," I said patiently, "is a towel, a warm cup of tea, and a friend to listen to you. That's all I'm offering. Take it or leave it."

Starfire contemplated the offer and then nodded.

"Good," I said. "Then get out of those wet clothes and meet me in the kitchen in ten minutes."

She grinned at me. "Thank you, Beast Boy."

When I met her in the kitchen, she was clad in warm pajamas, and yet she was still quivering and her eyes were bloodshot. I draped the warm towel around her quaking shoulders and shoved the tea into her hands.

"Courtesy of Raven's secret stash," I said, sounding bitterer than I'd have liked. "I'm sure she won't mind."

At hearing this, Starfire pushed the mug away from her. "Oh no, I do not wish to partake in any illegal drinking of Raven's tea."

"Relax," I said. "If she ever starts to notice that her teabags randomly disappear every now and then, believe me, I will take full blame and your name will never be mentioned. But she hasn't noticed so far."

"You drink Raven's special tea?" Starfire asked, looking mildly impressed. I laughed.

"Sure, when I'm feeling stressed. It really does calm you down. It's her special blend of all-natural herbs that makes you feel mellow and like you're on clouds. I only hope there's nothing illegal in it. I found it when I went nosing around her room once with Cyborg and since have found convenient ways to sneak a few out at a time."

Starfire smiled up at me and I was glad to make her happy.

"So tell me, what happened?" I asked, taking a seat across from her. She sighed and her smile disappeared.

"I am distraught," she said.

"Well, I can see that," I replied with a grin. She giggled, nervously.

"Yes, I mean that I shall probably feel this way for a long time. I have been told that this is not an easy emotion to conquer."

"What emotion would that be?" I asked the simple questions I knew the answers to first before I even touched unknown territory.

"Love," Starfire sighed. "Or some perverse teenage hormonal form of it."

"Robin, eh?" I asked and she merely nodded glumly. "Listen, Star, it's his own fault he doesn't notice you. It's his loss, not yours. You could do so much better than a guy who doesn't love you. You don't deserve that. There are guys out there willing to go nuts for you, who would do anything just to make you laugh."

"Would they steal tea from Raven's private source?" Starfire said with a sly grin.

I blushed. "If you wanted them to, I'm sure they would."

Starfire sighed and stared into the swirling brown tea. "Do you find me incompetent and naïve?"

I was silent a moment as I turned over my answer in my mind. "You have all the energy, emotion and wide-eyed curious nature of a toddler, Starfire," I said at last. "But that's because all of this is still very new to you. Your passion and ideals, your bright eyes and eagerness to do right are very childlike, but that doesn't mean it's bad. It's refreshing to find someone so enthusiastic and innocent as you. You're unafraid to laugh at a stupid joke just for the sake of laughing. These things often give some people the stereotypical impression that you also have the intellect and maturity of a two-year-old, and in this they are very wrong."

Starfire was taken aback by my words and was about to speak, but I was not finished.

"In fact," I continued, "you're a bright, intelligent individual who knows who she is and what she wants and that makes you incredibly unique. You are probably one of the only people I know that is practically pure good. Everyone always has their own battles between sin and conscience, and yet you seem to maintain the beautiful innocent purity of a child. And that, Starfire, I think is the very best part of you. So in answer to your question, yeah, you might be naïve. But you're never incompetent."

Starfire was obviously absolutely stunned and warmed by this speech. "Such wise words for you," she said. "I have never seen this side of you before, Beast Boy. Where has it been and where has your blunt comical side gone?"

"It's still there under the effects of Raven's tea," I said with a chuckle. "That stuff makes me pensive. But I meant every last word of what I just said."

Starfire tilted her head and looked at my battle-scarred eyes.

"What has happened to you in the last hours of yesterday, my friend?" she asked. "Something in you has changed."

"Raven," I said simply. "I've put her behind me."

"That is unfortunate," said Starfire. "I thought you would have been a glorious couple."

"Apparently she didn't think so," I said.

"She did not approve of your confession of love either?" Starfire asked.

"She didn't even give me the chance to say it," I replied. "But I know she knew what I was trying to say. She just didn't want to hear it so she wouldn't have to turn me down. Because, God knows, that would take too much emotion and heaven forbid she show a little sympathy around here."

Starfire reached across the table to take my hand in hers. "Raven does care for you very much. This I promise you."

"I know she likes me fine enough," I said. "Or, I guess I know. She told me she did once, but that was a while ago, and I hate the fact that she refuses to show people how much she cares about them. Maybe I'm just insecure, but you can't just _tell_ someone you love them. That's so empty. You don't even _have_ to say it as long as you can show it. It's all in your behavior, you know? But that's her loss."

Starfire nodded, understanding. "Robin is the same," she said. "I am sure he cares for me, and yet he refuses to admit it to himself for he is afraid of it."

"You still think Robin loves you, even after all that?" I said with a sad smile. "See, that's what I mean. That innocent denial, that clinging hope that maybe… You're quite the optimist, I could never do that."

"Sometimes it is essential to be optimistic and naïve," Starfire said, "for it is the only thing that can keep you alive until you are ready to understand."

"I hear yeh," I said with a sigh. "You want more tea? I have a couple bags left. Raven's going to get some magic stuff tomorrow and I'm swiping some more tea then, so it doesn't matter…"

I rose and walked to Starfire's side to clean up her empty mug. She was staring up at me with grateful eyes and I looked down at her, trying to look sympathetic. I flashed her my best smile.

"You can be very amiable when you wish to be," she said. "I do not understand why I have not seen this in you before." I felt myself blush and fumbled with the porcelain. I nearly dropped the mug on Starfire's lap, but she caught it and smiled up at me. We were nearly nose-to-nose as I leaned to retrieve the mug, and I looked at her, embarrassed. Suddenly, she looked up at me and smiled.

At that moment, I did the strangest, stupidest, most desperate thing imaginable.

Instinctively our lips met in a warm kiss. The rest of me was very still. One of my hands was on the table while the other held the mug. I also felt Starfire's finger's still holding the mug, the other one gracefully in her lap. We merely stood there, with that simple, comforting kiss for a moment, and broke away. We looked at each other, unsure of what to make of the moment, and both flushed.

"I… I am sorry…" she stuttered. I was swooning. Never in a million years, not even in my dreams, had I ever thought I would ever share such a gentle kiss with a Tamaranian, least of all, Starfire. And now I was reeling from the drug-like effect the alien kiss seemed to have on me.

"No, no," I said quickly. "It was me too…"

"I had never even contemplated…" Starfire began, but I hushed her.

"I know," I said. "Me neither."

"Could this mean something?" Starfire ask. "Should we question it, or let it be?"

Her beautiful naiveté prevented her from seeing what must be done, and so I took my seat across from her again.

"Star, honestly, I don't really think there is anything to question. We were both feeling down and under the influence of mystery tea and we were both seeking comfort. The fact that we'd never before really thought of each other as…"

"You are right," Starfire said, nodding her head in understanding. She rose and nodded kindly at me. "You are a wonderful friend, Beast Boy."

I rose to meet her. "You don't have to tell me that, I know," I said. She giggled and it made me smile. "I'm just glad I could make you laugh again."

"And I am glad that you were the one to make me laugh," Starfire said. "Good night, and thank you."

"My pleasure, as always," I replied with a formal bow. "Who would have thought I would have been in the kitchen at two in the morning drinking dodgy tea and end up kissing a beautiful girl like you? Come on, let me walk you to your room."

Starfire sighed. "And all is right with the world again."


	6. The Good Fight: Raven and Robin cont'd

_**Author's Note:** This chapter was a little more tragic than I thought I'd be. And it somehow reflects how I think a relationship between Raven and Robin would occur on the show. Thinking about how neither like to voice their feelings and how both are incredibly stubborn, I wonder if each would ever admit it to themselves, let alone each other. I am a Rav/Rob shipper normally, but I was trying to think realistically. I may or may not have succeeded, please tell me your thoughts._

_Also, this chapter is a follow up to the previous, like an epilogue, therefore it's shorter. Thanks._

_Carly_

The Good Fight: Raven and Robin (cont'd)

_""I begged you not to go, I begged you, I pleaded. Claimed you as my only hope, and watched the floor as you retreated. Does it comfort you to know you fought the good fight? Basking in your victory, hollow and alone. You boast your bitter bragging rights to anyone who'll listen while you're left with nothing tangible to gain."**—Dashboard Confessional,**_** "The Good Fight," _Swiss Army Romance_**

She knocked quietly on my bedroom door. I didn't say anything. I didn't really care if she came in or left. Not now, anyway.

She opened the door anyway, despite my lack of response. She was still soaking wet. I guess she didn't really feel like changing out of her clothes. Now that she was in my room, I wished that she would leave. I pretended to sleep, but somehow she saw straight through me. She always did.

"Robin?" she whispered. "I know you're awake."

I made no reply. She sat on the edge of my bed.

"Fine," she said. "If you don't want to admit you're awake and talk to me, I'll just say what I came to say and be done with it. But you better damn well listen because I'm not repeating it."

I couldn't help but smile at the small underlying empty threat in her voice. She knew I'd always listen to her.

"I didn't mean to snap at you outside," she said. "I wasn't… I mean, I'm not mad at you or anything, it's just… God, I wish I knew how to say this."

"Admit it," I said, sitting up in my bed. "That's all you have to do."

Raven looked at me warily.

"What am I suppose to admit?" she asked. I smiled at her.

"You know it, because you feel it. Just acknowledge it." If she said it, it would be OK. If she just admitted it, gathered up all that courage to for once voice her deepest emotions, then that meant it wouldn't be so bad if I said it too. Just as long as she said it first. I wouldn't admit it before she did. Maybe it was my pride, or my favorite habit of hiding my own emotions, but I would never, in a million years, tell Raven, of all people, how I felt about her.

But unfortunately, I was disappointed.

"There is _nothing_ to admit," she said stubbornly.

"You felt it up there, didn't you?" I asked her, with a curious raise of my eyebrows. She had to say it, or else we were all doomed.

"All that happened on the roof was I fell victim to the pesky teenage hormones that cause these pointless feelings. It was a split second, and then it was gone, and now it's over. I just wanted to apologize. I was mad at my annoying hormones acting against me. I was not mad at you, Robin, because I lo--"

She caught herself and stopped, holding her breath for a split second as she tried to snatch back the half-word that had come out of her mouth.

But it was just as useless as trying to hold mist in her hand.

I grinned. She almost said it. Did that give me grounds to admit how I felt?

_No,_ I thought to myself. _She didn't say it. Therefore, if I say it first, she'll deny it and she'll rip me to shreds. I'll be damned if I say it first._

She was staring at my bed, hoping I hadn't caught her slip of the tongue.

"I love you, Robin," she said slowly, "because you are one of the best friends I have."

I was ecstatic. She'd said it, that meant—

"You're like my brother."

Shit. My spirits fell. She didn't mean that. I saw her up there on the roof. Damn it, why did she have to be so difficult about it? All she had to do was admit it, and it would all be OK.

"Right," I said, sardonically. "That's how you feel about your brothers, huh? You freak out when they try and take your hand?"

"That's not what brothers do," she said to me coldly, her eyes burning.

"And that's not how a human being reacts," I retorted. She looked away from me. I'd gone too far. "Raven, I'm sorry—"

"Don't," she said quickly. "Don't apologize. Don't even talk to me."

Was she trying to make me say it first? I grinned. If it was a battle of the wills she wanted, I would come out on top. I always did.

I licked my lips, trying to think of what to say. "Raven… the things Starfire said to me last night, about me needing to love someone. When she left and you were there, I… I never realized how beautiful you looked, even in that rain… And you listened to me."

Raven didn't move. I wasn't quite sure how she'd react to that. Would that little bit of encouragement work for her?

"You want me to admit it so much…" she whispered. She looked up at me. "Why?"

She'd totally shocked me with that. I recovered quickly.

"Why not?" I said. "You know it's true."

She looked at me with what must have been pity in her eyes. "But Robin… What if it isn't? You want me to say it so badly, just because you want reassurance. You want a reason to say it too."

I was stunned. This wasn't a game. She saw straight through me, as usual.

"How do you know that's true," I started, "if you didn't feel the same way?"

The sides of her mouth twitched into an ironic smile. "I wish this were possible, Robin, and I'm sorry for you, I really am, but I just don't care for you that way."

I'm sure that even if I'd have admitted it first, it couldn't have hurt as bad as it did. Nothing burned me more than the cold indifference of her voice. She meant it. She must.

Taking my stunned silence as a cue, she rose from my bed with her smile still in place and made her way towards the door. I could do nothing but stare.

I should have said it first.

"Raven?" I called after her. She hesitated. _Better late than never,_ I thought… But no. I would never say it. Especially after that. "Never mind."

Raven's shoulder's slumped and she left my room.

* * *

Once outside his room, I leaned against the wall. My mind was racing. Why hadn't he said it? Why did I tell him that?

I leaned against the wall in devastated defeat and for the first time in years, I cried without caring.

If I'd only had the courage to tell him… He was the only one who could possibly understand what it's like to feel so much and try to ignore it. Why hadn't he said that he loved me?

Or more importantly, why hadn't I said that I loved him…?

Damn the teenage years. Their only purpose is to torment and bring bad memories. Could there be such a thing as true love when one is so overwhelmed with new thoughts and emotions and hormones?

No. It can't be real. If what I feel for Robin was real, then I've lost myself forever. It's just a crazy teenage crush… Isn't it? 


	7. Epilogue: Cyborg's Finale

**_A/N: Parting Words:_**_ Well this is the end. You've all been guessing what my "final pairing" will be. I haven't had the heart to tell you till now-- there is no final pairing. I left it as I began it-- in confusion of who loves who. You see, the possibilities are too endless for me to express, and each possibility is too interesting for me to settle on one. I am one who sails many TT ships, even a few slash (when appropriate) and this story was just expressing some potential for each (slash not included-- maybe another story if you really want it). I'm sorry Cyborg didn't get a part in the romance, but he's sort of a Mark character for me-- Mark from RENT, the observer, the detatched one, the narrator. At least in this story. In a way, this short epilogue should answer all your questions or at least satisfy you in some way. Yes, maybe Star and Robin will get together, and Robin will forget about Raven. Maybe Raven will warm up to BB. Maybe BB and Star will grow to be more than friends. Maybe Rav and Rob will get over themselves. That's the whole point-- anything can happen. I leave the "final pairs" for you to speculate._

_You all win. Congratulations. And thank you._

_(Wow, my A/N is almost as long as the epilogue-- lol)_

Epilogue: Cyborg's Finale

_"Take my hand, I'll lead you to salvation. Take my love, for love is everlasting. And remember the truth that once was spoken... To love another person is to see the face of God..."--_**_ Fantine, Eponine, Jean Valjean _"Do you Hear the People Sing (reprise)," _Les Miserables_**

After that night, they all went around as if nothing had ever happened. Raven and Robin treated each other as they had always done: as good friends and partners. Although every now and then, I catch that pining look in Raven's dark eyes, and that curious pain in Robin's. Starfire still swooned over Robin, and he still seemed to think her attentions were merely platonic. Beast Boy's jokes seemed to lose some of their flavor when Raven entered the room, but he didn't seemed too phased by it.

Strangely, the friendship between the changeling and the Tamaranian seemed to strengthen through all of this. She would laugh harder at his simplest jokes and he would always try harder to make her smile. Perhaps their shared unrequited love created a bond between them like that between siblings. Beast Boy treated Starfire as his younger sister, and she in turn admired him like an elder brother.

So I guess they learned and moved on. But looking at Starfire and Beast Boy, I'd say that the phrase each cloud has its silver lining must be true.

To answer all your curious questions, I honestly don't know what's in store for Raven and Robin. Both are very stubborn, and very proud. Maybe they'll realize that though oposites attract, similarities last. Maybe they will understand that though neither say it, their love is obvious in their dark eyes. As Beast Boy says, you don't have to tell someone you love them as long as you can show it.

Or maybe they'll learn to love someone else. Perhaps Robin will see the light in Starfire's eyes and appreciate her for who she is. I know nothing in the world would make Starfire so blissfully content than to be held in Robin's arms as he kisses her forehead. And I know that she was right when she said Robin needs to love someone and be loved. And who could give more love than the passionate Tamaranian?

Maybe Raven will begin to be amused by Beast Boy's jokes again and finally laugh out loud. I know she does find them funny-- she said so herself once. If only she'll admit it to herself, maybe she could learn to see the warmth in his eyes and the wisdom behind his wit, as Starfire unintentionally discovered that cold, rainy night.

Or maybe there are bigger, brighter things out there. Maybe their future love lives outside this tower. And hopefully everyone will get what they want.

Who's to know? I lost my love long ago. I don't want the same to happen to them. They're good people. They deserve happiness. I guess we all deserve happiness, though. I suppose the real issue is, which of us will achieve it?

* * *

_"Do you hear the people sing? Lost in the valley of the night. It is the music of a people who are climbing to the light. For the wretched of the earth, there is a flame that never dies. Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise... The chain will be broken and all men will have their reward... Do you hear the people sing? Say do you hear the distant drums? It is the future that they bring when tomorrow comes."_

**END**


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